Small Slivers of Silver Screen 3

Time for the next round of short and maybe sweet movie reviews:

1) The Messenger  (Oren Moverman)

Starring: Ben Foster, Woody Harrelson, Samantha Moreton, Jena Malone

Run Time: 113 mins

Oren Moverman’s directorial début is sharp, bleak and heart-wrenching as we follow Sgt Will Montgomery (Ben Foster) fresh out of active duty and assigned to complete his enlistment carrying out casualty notifications to next of kin. The depictions of Will and his supervisor, Tony Stone, (Harrelson) are detailed, troubled and often uncertain. They are never at ease, the psychological aftermath of war is never far below the surface, but they are unable to shake their desire to help others and follow orders.

This is a brave and dark subject to tackle but is ultimately timely. The film never shies away from it, the confrontations with family are heart-breaking to watch. The script and directing is raw and unpolished but feels real, a particular highlight is Steve Buscemi’s small cameo as a father to be notified. Also a closing scene between Will and Stone, detailing the ”heroic” fire-fight which ended Will’s active service really brings to light the struggle these two men are still going through.

Will develops a relationship with one of the next of kins, Olivia (Samantha Moreton), and while this is a very sweet, innocent relationship, the scenes do at times tend to drag a little.

This is a wonderful debut for Moverman, with a strong story and grounded performances. Interestingly, the score is very reminiscent of Apocalypse now, especially it’s opening song ”The End” by The Doors with exotic sounding soft guitar. Plus Tony quotes from the film, providing some much needed relief.

VERDICT: ”CHARLIE DONT SURF!”

 

2) 10 Cloverfield Lane (Daniel Trachtenberg)

Starring: Mary Elizabeth Winstead, John Goodman, John Gallagher Jr

Run Time: 103 mins

A spiritual sequel to Cloverfield… whatever that is? This film was shrouding in secrecy from start to finish so lets take a look!

The trailer gives little away but all you need to know is Michelle (Winstead) wakes in an underground bunker having been saved by Howard (John Goodman) in the wake of her car accident. Howard is unable to let her leave due to a perceived chemical warfare attack above ground rendering the air unbreathable. GOING IN BLIND IS BEST FOR THIS FILM! (so this will be spoiler free).

This film is a prime example of carefully and slowly built tension, it is always building and while there are minor reprieves and moments of levity the tension and sinister tone always creeps back in. This is the combined result of several factors. A sharp, clever and pointed script,  a score that ranges from classic songs with pointed lyrics to sci-fi synthesizers. But most of all it is down to the acting. Winstead acts as our POV throughout the film and delivers the right mix of spirit, fight, scepticism and terror. But this film rests squarely on Goodman’s shoulders and he is phenomenal, honest, bitter and unsettling. All the adjectives you associate with classic thriller characters. This is one of the best performances I’ve seen him give, as he swings unpredictably from gracious host to pompous saviour to controlling voyeur.

You never know where you stand with this film; is it one man’s paranoia or his extreme preparedness. Is it the generosity of a lonely family man or the lure of a troubled isolation. Is it the cynicism of Michelle’s youth or refusal to accept a new uncertain reality. This is what makes this film so good, you never know who or what is the truth. Which is why the ending left me a little disappointed. Not to say the ending was bad, the final act of the film is exciting and visceral and showcases Michelle’s strength and ingenuity. But the FINAL 10 minutes, whilst continuing this showcase ending, offer, what I feel, is too much explanation. It felt like these final 10 minutes were attached to set up this film’s world for a potential sequel. This could explained by this project becoming related with Cloverfield in its later stages of development so there was some shoe-horning.

Personally I would have preferred ending the  film 10 minutes early on Michelle’s face as she looks terrified saying, ”You’ve got to be kidding me”. But as I said even the final 10 minutes were exciting and well made and as such this film is well worth the watch. Creepy, original and exciting.

VERDICT: GO IN BLIND AND ENJOY THE SUSPENSE!

”Crazy is building your ark after the flood has already come.”

**SPOILER** highlight below to see it

Also perchloric acid features in the film, DO NOT LOOK UP WHAT IT CAN DO TO A PERSON IF YOU VALUE YOUR DINNER! AND TOMORROWS DINNER!

I’ll leave you with that pleasant thought! Until next time!

 

 

 

 

 

The Great Red Dragon: Blake’s PR Guy

Next up in the Hannibal series, is ”Red Dragon”, directed by Brett Ratner, which was released in 2002. So despite being the first entry into the Hannibal trilogy’s canon, serving as a prequel to ”Silence”, it was actually the last film released. Presumably because a previous adaptation of the same Thomas Harris book, released in 1986, entitled ”Manhunter” needed time to fade out of memory. Anthony Hopkins stars as the infamous Hannibal Lecter, while Edward Norton plays Special Agent Will Graham and Harvey Keitel takes over the role of Unit Chief Jack Crawford.

Anyway here is the trailer:

The film opens with Hannibal as a free man; his exceptionally refined taste, disturbing dinner parties and his interactions with a young and brilliant FBI agent Will Graham. I wont go into any more detail here as this scene is a delight to watch and like a fine cut of meat, deserves to remain unspoiled.

The film jumps a few years in time following the opening credits; Will is retired and lives with his family in Florida and there is a new killer du jour. The Tooth Fairy (Ralph Fiennes) is butchering families in their homes in sync with the lunar calendar. The victims are from different states, with no common factors and the FBI is stuck. Jack Crawford persuades a reluctant Will to return to catch this killer before the next full moon. As much as Will learns from the crime scenes he knows he needs a special kind of insight.  He needs to talk to Hannibal; considering how their last meeting lead to Dr. Lecter’s arrest and some serious injuries this is not a pleasant prospect.

We wouldn’t want to be rude, so we’ll start with Anthony Hopkins as Dr Lecter; given this is his 3rd outing on film the character no longer has such the shock factor that it did when he first appeared onscreen. However, the physical menace, the unsettling voice and mannerisms and most importantly those piercing eyes are all still here! The story gives Hopkins more screen time than silence and has plenty to work with and delivers another wonderful (maybe the wrong word for what it is) performance. There are some negatives however, as the writers have tried to flesh out his character a little more, make it more over the top and pronounced. For the most part this works by delivering us something new and intriguing but at times it seems too much.

For instance when ending a conversation, with Graham, Hannibal says, ”I’ll call you if I think of anything else, would you perhaps like to leave me your home phone number?”. This just seems a stretch, Hannibal is not stupid and knows Will is not stupid. Furthermore Hannibal is usually very precise and pointed with his words, he would considering a wasted sentence like this at best a chore, and at worst rude!

The two main additions to the cast here are Norton as Will Graham and Fiennes as the Tooth Fairy.

Norton is a brilliant actor, I dont think I’ve ever seen him give a bad performance. Even when he was nothing to work with, like Ang Lee’s ”Incredible Sulk Hulk”, he is still good. He manages to bring some solidity and heart to a film which could easily have been lacking in quality. His on-screen chemistry with Hopkins was palpable and the scenes between the two were always tense and thrilling. This relationship was never going to beat Starling’s from ”Silence” so they wisely took it elsewhere. Will and Hannibal worked together prior to the the latter’s incarceration, they have a student-mentor relationship. This not only brings about clashes in pride and ideology but also sparks competition. Seeing who is truly the master manipulator.

There relationship is characterized by this one quote:

Dr. Frederick Chilton: Dammit, man, you must have some advice. You caught him. What was your trick?

Will Graham: I let him kill me!

The Tooth Fairy aka Francis Dollarhyde  aka The Great Red Dragon is played excellently by Ralph Fiennes. His affectations, his body language, the way he shies away from attention due to his disfigurement, it is all first class. The way he slips between calm sociopath and a complete embodiment of a delusion is fascinating and impressive. The most interesting relationship here is not the communication between Francis and Hannibal but in fact between Francis and a blind film developer, Reba (Emily Watson). She is confident, extremely well adapted and despises pity, a trait she shares with Dollarhyde and  a trait hat brings them together. As their relationship develops, these feelings of genuine care and affection begin to conflict with The Red Dragon delusion. Even at the height of his chaotic devolution, Francis cannot give Reeba to the dragon. This grounding relationship adds great depth to Francis and pushes him to the brink.

This film greatly features The Great Red Dragon paintings by the great William Blake.  They are strikingly powerful and beautiful; they have a sense of ordered chaos within these scenes from The Book Of Revelation. I would recommend learning about them, here is somewhere to start (Sorry it is only wikipedia).  The painting predominantly featured in the film is ”The Great Red Dragon And The Woman Clothed In Sun” (although in the original book it is titled  ”….clothed with the sun”, a different painting, whilst describing the former). Here it is:

It is easy to see how you could become so completely captivated by such an image.

Francis’ abusive childhood, isolation, disfigurement all lead to his desire to transform. Transform into a all powerful entity from which he can avenge those who wronged him and take the power he feels he deserves; power contained within the painting. I almost feel sorry for him. Except he then kills families and bites people and burns peoples and eats a priceless painting. On the whole he’s a pretty bad person.

Light relief is few and far between but focus around Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s character, Freddy Lounds, a crime reporter for The Tatler who has some history with Will and the Lecter case. This humour is more based around the shock and awe depths Lounds will sink for a story, more of a laughing out of discomfort than wise-cracks. But his character has a crucial arc in the story and Hoffman did great work here. Probably the most disturbing scene of the movie features Lounds in one on one with The Red Dragon and it is a masterful scene. Here it is:

This is a good film, dark, suspenseful and well acted. It was never going to live up to the bar set by ”Silence Of The Lambs” but is far superior to ”Hannibal”, the other entry in the film series. Generally, the film is beautifully shot and directed with great set pieces and dialogue. But there are those few instances where the writing lets the actors and film down a little, and some cliche cop briefing and detecting scenes being the worst offenders. Especially when compared to the caliber of the FBI written in the first film, even though the same screen writer, Ted Tally, was around. Maybe the magic just wasn’t there.

But do watch this film. It is well worth your time! Plus there is a great little tie in to ”Silence” at the end!

VERDICT:

”Hannibal, confess. What is this divine-looking amuse bouche?”

”If I tell you, I’m afraid you won’t even try it.”

The Lord Of The Rings (Full Trilogy) IMDB Top 250 Guest Review

Recently I was fortunate enough to do a guest post for Cinema Parrot Disco. The subject? The entire Lord Of The Rings Trilogy. Please follow the link below to take a look. Hope you enjoy!

Ill be back soon!

Cinema Parrot Disco

Today’s IMDB Top 250 Guest Review comes from James of Slate The Silver Screen. Thanks for the review, James! 🙂 Now let’s see what he has to say about The Entire Lord Of The Rings Trilogy, IMDB ranks 9, 13 & 21 out of 250…

There are still some movies up for grabs if anyone wants to do a guest IMDB Top 250 review. You can find the list of remaining films HERE. See the full list & links to all the reviews that have already been done HERE. Also, if you’d like to add a link to your IMDB review(s) on your own blogs, feel free to use any of the logos I’ve used at the top of any of these guest reviews.

WARNING: SPOILERS

Peter Jackson’s critically acclaimed Lord of the Rings (LOTR) trilogy is adapted from J.R.R. Tolkein’s incredible books. These films take…

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Good Night Robin Williams: A Good Morning Vietnam Review

Robin Williams was an immense talent, incredibly funny, lighting fast; no one could compete with him. He was a brilliant actor, from Mork and Mindy to Jumanji and Good Will Hunting. Raw emotion or just intensely funny comedy. Sadly, just over a year ago he passed away. This was a huge shock to the entertainment community and anyone who had ever enjoyed one of his shows, films or stand-ups. The tragic circumstances of his death have helped bring some much needed awareness and acceptance to mental illness.

But rather than dwell on the sadness, I am going to focus on the genius of his work. In particular the acclaimed comedy and drama ”Good Morning Vietnam”, directed by Barry Levinson and starring Williams as Airman 2nd Class Adrian Cronauer who arrives on placement in Saigon as a Armed Forces Radio DJ. This role was the first of 4 Oscar nominations; the others being Best Actor for Dead Poets Society (1989) and The Fisher King (1991) an his Supporting Actor win for Good Will Hunting in (1998). Click on the film titles for a great Williams scene for each movie!

So without further ado here is the trailer:

Cronauer arrives in Saigon for his new posting, once there Private 1st Class Edward Garlick (Forrest Whitaker) helps him settle in. Cronauer’s exciting, unpredictable and raucous presenting style, featuring the best of modern music rather than the same old sound, quickly wins over many listeners but also infuriates his two immediate superiors. As the weeks go by, fed up with bureaucracy and censorship he questions the importance of his role as a DJ. Yet, in the middle of all this craziness Cronauer develops a friendship with a young Vietnamese boy, Tuan, whilst also trying to win the affection and attention of his older sister, Trinh.

Williams is astonishing, as DJ Cronauer. He exudes ludicrous charm and confidence, or ”a deplorable excess of personality” as Dr Hammond would say. His broadcast scenes are full of impressions, characatures, wit and barely caged-insanity. You feel witness to your own personal Robin Williams stand-up performance, the speed at which he changes direction leaves you in speechless. And what’s more…it is hilarious. Here is Robin Williams at his best, his sheer joy at being an entertainer, it is no wonder he was so at home as Adrian Cronauer.

Williams is not just a joke machine. There are touching moments; heartfelt bonding between Cronauer and Tuan who in theory should be enemies, Cronauers sheer force of persona forming instant camaraderie with his peers. Cronauer’s clashes with his superiors are some of the best moments of the film; his resentment, their jealously.. and all dealt with through a biting sense of humour.

My favourite Williams’ scene in the movie is towards the end. SPOILER WARNING. And involves Cronauer and Tuan. Sorry for the poor quality, couldnt find a better link.

This scene is all about betrayal, trust and the causalities of war; seeing the war from both perspectives!

Beyond Robin there is a great surrounding cast, Forest Whitaker has a great and nuanced turn as Edward Garlick. While Tung Thanh Tran (Tuan) and Chintara Sukapatana (Trinh, Tuan’s sister) also gave great performances, especially the former as Williams friend and ally.

The film is very well directed and while often framed to focus on Williams and his eccentricities; just as important, however, are the establishing and surrounding scenes of ”Vietnam”. Although, filmed in Thailand, the scenery is remarkably beautiful, showcasing normal daily life in the villages or ”Saigon”. These visuals are often accompanied by 60’s pop-sounds of Cronauer’s show. The Beach Boys. James Brown. The Marvellettes.

The prime example of this is set to Louis Armstrong’s ”A Wonderful World”. The wonderful tones of Satchel Mouth play over contrasting scenes of military drills and local life, which suddenly change to panic and terror. Napalm bombing paddy fields. Riots in the street. Bombs in Saigon. A bloody sandal in front of a burning building. It is a haunting, beautiful and upsetting disparity. Watch the clip or watch the film…it’s up to you.

Although great, alas this movie is not perfect. As with many films of the era there is a little bit of dated, lazy racism through impressions or stereotyping. Fortunately, this is kept to a minimum and doesn’t overly detract from the film. Especially given the way modern ”comedies” try to get away with this and much worse. My other criticism would be the constant and unrelenting animosity from Cronauer’s two superiors, with no reason to really warrant it. One is partially understandable as he wants to be the funny man and so resents Cronauer’s talent and adoration, especially after he hilariously fails to take over the show and bombs (see below). The Staff Sergeant, however, is just mean because….he’s a military man? But why?  Why hate nice people so much? Why be such a dick? Again he got some form of come-upance as he is transferred out of Vietnam to a peace zone for being mean. But it is really hard to care about these wrongs being righted when there wasn’t a bloody reason for them in the first place!

Overall though, this is a wonderful film. Funny, dramatic, heart-warming and thought provoking. Mainly in part due to the never-ending talent of Robin Williams. I cant recommend this film enough.

Other Robin Williams films you really should see are: Dead Poets Society, Birdcage, Jumanji, Aladdin, The Fisher King, One Hour Photo, Good Will Hunting. And many many more!

Hope you enjoyed it. Like Comment and follow if you agree with my take on one of William’s greatest film.

VERDICT: ”You are in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history.”

Daniel Day-Lewis: The Cinematic Cobbler

Actors basically  pretend to be other people for a living. Usually they research their character to best understand them so that they can produce the most realistic and intimate imitation of them. At worst, this research involves turning up and reading loud and stumbling over the tough words. At best these performances transition from impersonation to personification and embodiment. This can involve substantial physical changes be it prostetics, drastic weight and physique changes or CGI. Some actors produce this sort of performance once in a career like Natalie Portman in Black Swan or J.K. Simmons in Whiplash or even Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas (although some attribute this to supernatural phenomena). Some can do this repeatedly like Meryl Street, Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro.

BUT… there are few who can produce these performances as consistently and brilliantly as Daniel Day-Lewis.

Here he is in ”There Will Be Blood” in the brilliant and intense ”milkshake” scene:

Suffice to say his milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!

Daniel is the only man to win 3 Oscars for Best Actor, for his work in ”My Left Foot”, ”There Will Be Blood” and ”Lincoln”. He received 2 further Best Actor nods for ”In The Name Of The Father” and ”Gangs Of New York”. NB/ Walter Brennan and Jack Nicholson have also won 3 Oscars but over the Best Actor and Supporting Actor categories.

”You’re telling me it’s going to take 1 hour to put all this make up on?…The sodding Gettysberg address was only 2 minutes long!” Lincoln (2012)

Now while Oscar success is not an accurate singular measure of an actor’s ability, due to the Academy’s somewhat questionable record with race and snubbing movies, amongst other things. It is a testament to his skill.

Now some could argue that the reason for his ability to commit and perfect each role is his selectivity. And you’d be right. Since he won the Oscar for ”My Left Foot”, in 1989, he has only been in 10 films, often with years between each. To you I say, does that matter? These days film stars appear in multiple films a year and make millions for each one. But it you look at these extensive filmography’s, how many of the films are truly great? And more importantly how many of the performances are memorable or worthy of recognition? If we looked at the same time period I would bet the number would be less than Mr Lewis’s. This is especially important when you look at the constant barrage of terrible films which violate the eyes of the general public on a daily basis.

Furthermore, when money is not an issue, who wouldn’t want to bide their time and find the right project and vehicle to produce your best work, using your spare-time to fulfil other passions and hobbies. Daniel’s dissociation from the Hollywoodland bubble only serves to benefit his acting work by allowing him to relax and truly consider each role. In fact between films he has dedicated time to his passion for woodwork and spent time being a cobbler. These periods remain very illusive and mysterious as he has said, ”…a period of my life that I had a right to, without any intervention of that kind”. He has taken a hiatus since filming 2012’s Lincoln as he believes he will not be able to surpass this work for some time. Remember, QUANTITY IS NOT THE SAME AS QUALITY…for example Michael Bay sticking 200 explosions in a film does not make it good! Or even tolerable.

However, what I believe sets Daniel Day-Lewis apart is his absolute, unshakeable dedication to each role. He takes method acting to a new, almost comically insane, stratosphere. He caught pneumonia and refused to wear a warmer coat during the filming of ”Gangs Of New York”. He spent the entirety of filming ”My Left Foot” in character as paraplegic writer, Christy Brown, being carried around or pushed in a wheelchair and being spoonfed; he even broke two ribs from being constantly slumped over. He only ate food he killed for ”The Last Of The Mohicans”. Lost 30lbs and underwent intense interrogations for ”In The Name Of The Father”. And he didnt bathe for the entire filming of ”The Crucible” to experience the life of a 17th Century man.

While he is not the only method actor: Dustin Hoffman, Robert DeNiro, Christian Bale, even Leto and McConaughey for Dallas Buyers Club, and Danny Dyer (just kidding). These actors go through rigorous and chameleon-like physical changes, alter and distort their personalities and deliver incredible performances, rivalling those of Day-Lewis. But… Daniel’s level of diligence, intensity and commitment to his research and performance puts him a step above in terms of (method) acting and, consequently, consistency of performance. If you don’t believe me, take look at, and cringe through, some of the crappy films the above actors have made: The Family, Chapter 27, all McConaughey rom-coms, Little Fockers, Meet The Fockers, Terminator Salvation, Exodus and Grudge Match.

An example of Day-Lewis’ preparation is here in Lincoln, a role he prepared for by over a year by reading 100s of books on Lincoln and perfecting the make-up!

His groundwork allows him to produce some of the most memorable and most accomplished performances in recent cinema. They are diverse, restrained, anarchic, troubled and inspiring. His characters are complex, interesting and unique. Everything a person is. Except he achieved this for characters completely foreign and distant from himself, a middle-class English son of a Poet Laurete. In the hands of lesser actors, the intensity or vigour of these performances could be cartoonish and silly. But instead they are engrossing and more importantly, real!

For example, Lewis as Christy Brown in ”My Left Foot”.

Anyway, this is my take on Daniel Day-Lewis, I hope you enjoyed it. Here are some of his films you should definitely see: My Left Foot, Last Of The Mohicans, In The Name Of The Father, The Crucible, The Boxer,Gangs Of New York, There Will Be Blood and Lincoln! Do yourself a favour and take a look!

About A Boyhood: How I learned to have an irrational dislike for one man’s ridiculous vision

Okay. This will not be a popular opinion.

These days when talking about movies, going against the grain is a dangerous proposition and can leave you isolated and ridiculed by the masses. The best, current, example of this is the ”masterpiece” by Richard Linklater BOYHOOD. This film received near unanimous praise from every man and his dog. Even criticizing this film in passing conversation could provoke hysterical fits of rage, public shaming and the anger of the entire hipster community.

Here’s the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ys-mbHXyWX4

Herein lies the problem. People have opinions. People have different opinions. So right now I am going to stand up for my right to have a different opinion. I will not be ashamed. I will not hide in the shadows any longer.

I will stand tall and proudly proclaim that I DO NOT LIKE BOYHOOD!

Now here is a more accurate trailer in-line with my view point (courtesy of the amazing Youtube Channel Screen Junkies) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSZg1Wy7H0k

Have you ever had that conversation when you ask someone about their day and then they proceed to tell you in REAL TIME? You’d do anything to make that monotonous, sleep inducing, droning, brown-note of a sound stop. You start wondering whether Van Gogh had the right idea.

Now picture not being able to escape that conversation for 165 minutes. And having to pay £8 for this privilege.

This is what watching Boyhood felt like to me.

Its getting harder and harder to find original ideas in cinema these days, just look at all the reboots, remakes and sequels coming out every summer. (I mean Transformers 4? Come on people we’re better than this.) All of this means that people at the other end of the spectrum have to try something crazy to get attention.

They have ruined dinosaurs for me!

And so we come to Richard Linklater, the only man who could be bothered to spend over a decade shooting a film in real-time. I can guarantee he wont have been the first person to have this notion. Fortunately all the other people who had this idea either had someone to say ‘No’ or had the sense to see this as monstrous idea. So off skips Richard gleefully into the abyss.

DISCLAIMER: The following can only be described as a strangely bitter analysis of the film. Apologies in advance.

Bright Idea Number 1 – Telling a story devoid of story

The art of story telling has delighted people for hundreds of years. Linklater took a very minimalistic approach to this story. So minimalistic that he just went ahead and removed the story altogether. Frankly, this was a genius ‘Bait and Switch’ move drawing you in with a tale of growth and inexperience and promptly replacing this with the chance to think about your own childhood. Only to realise what a little shit you were. This approach allows you to draw your own conclusions about the on-screen family. However, in practice this makes the two and a half hour runtime excruciating (and I sat through the entirety of the Tree Of Life). ”But life is the story” I hear you cry. Well I might agree if anything of note happened in these lives or if I could muster any semblance of affection for these characters.

A note to any budding film makers out there. Finish your script before you start filming or you’ll end up having your mother repeatedly date the same drunken arsehole with a different face.

Bright Idea Number 2 – Casting your daughter as ‘the daughter’

I’m sure Lorelei Linklater is a wonderfully talented person. Unfortunately, these talents do not include acting. The hardest thing to watch about this movie is her maddening performance which ranges from irritating to stupefying whilst being exceptionally cringe worthy throughout.

9/10 times a child actor is not going to be very good eg Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter. Only about 1/100 child actors will actually become a good actor in later life eg Daniel Rad….. I’m no mathematician but those are not good odds. Linklater proceeded to completely obey these odds by casting Ellar Coltrane as ‘the boy’ who manages to sulk his way through several progressively worse haircuts as well as the awkward teenage phase where is face hasn’t quite grown to fit his features yet.

Bright Idea Number 3 – Turn your one singular idea into praise for every single bit of the film

Here lies the true depths of Linklater’s genius. You have one trick, no problem. Just rely so heavily upon that one trick until it becomes two tricks. Then 4. Then 8. …..

The acting is amazing because it was done for 12 YEARS.

The directing is amazing because he did it for 12 YEARS.

The script is amazing because it took place over 12 YEARS.

The editing is amazing because its done over 12 YEARS.

The soundtrack is amazing because it covered 12 YEARS.

This one tiny insignificant thing is amazing because it happened for 12 YEARS.

Just because you did something the longest doesn’t mean you did it the best. If you take the same acting, script, story, soundtrack and shoot it in 6 months no one would look twice at this film. Aside from the film being visually beautiful there is nothing particularly remarkable about the film. The now sainted Patricia Arquette gives a solid performance that is elevated to lofty greatness and applause purely because she stuck with it for 12 YEARS.. There were lots of performances more deserving of this praise over the last year: Emma Stone (Birdman), Scarlett Johansson (Under the Skin) to name just two. I mean even the fake baby in American Sniper could play its role for 12 YEARS.

And the award for best supporting baby goes to…..

Bright Idea Number 4 – Panda to everyone

After all this you need just a little more to really drive everyone into fits of grateful nostalgia and childhood revelry. So prepare to watch in horror as a reference to every single fad, trend, song, TV show and celebrity of the last decade is shoved quite literally down your throat. All this pandering has two purposes. Firstly, to remind you the film was shot over 12 YEARS and secondly to distract you from the fact that nothing is actually happening on screen. Job well done!

BUT when all is said and done, the people who like this film are still going to like it and continue to publicly berate you for just ”not getting it” or for being ”uncultured” (guilty as charged on that count). But together maybe we can make a stand and say in one true voice that WE DO NOT LIKE BOYHOOD and finally be accepted for who we are.

I really need to get out more!

VERDICT: He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!

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Open Water

Anyone who knows me, which I can be certain is all of the tiny readership at present, knows that I love 3 things: dinosaurs, apes/monkeys and sharks (in no particular order). So what better way to start a movie blog than a movie about something I love.

So without further a do, Slating The Silver Screen presents:

OPEN SEASON  WATER

This 2003 survival film tells the true story of a married couple stranded off the great barrier reef following a dive. This turned out less relaxing than they had ideally hoped for. For anyone who needs a refresher here is the trailer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9q1qJi1nMs  

Now I wasn’t expecting a modern day retelling of Jaws but remained hopeful.

The main characters, Daniel and Susan, are struggling with a strained marriage, supposedly due to their hectic working schedules. In reality, it comes across that Susan, quite rightly, doesn’t want to spend time with Daniel as he has the charisma of a wet sponge. Anyway… once on vacation in Australia they go on a scuba diving excursion where they are promptly left at sea, because one of the other passengers is a pompous ass who, unsurprisingly, continues to act like an ass. From here on out the film shows their intense fight to survive out in the open ocean.

The film is generally very visually stunning and really captures the loneliness of being out adrift at sea. Additionally the acting is strong and convincing. Unfortunately that is not all!

Unlike previous shark films, the director wanted real shark footage in the film to avoid the trope of super-angry killing machine. This inevitably involves lots of cuts between stock shark documentary footage and the actors. This is where the problems began. I know that for all intents and purposes the sea is blue… Im not here to argue that, but you could at least hope the director would try to cut shots together with similar shades/light exposures or depths. Instead there were so many continuity errors that even Michael Bay of Transformer’s fame would have had pause for thought.

The film has also been praised for its minimalist perspective and less is more thrills, which I would have to agree with to a point. But after a while I would really have loved to have see something happen on screen. Literally anything. There are some genuine jumps and scares but once combined with all the little shark nibbles taking place off screen *, and the ever faithful lets just have a ship sail past and ignore them because…fuck it lets remove all hope, they do lose there charm.

*(which somehow go unnoticed by the characters for hours at a time)

Finally, there is the issue of them being left behind in the first place. I know it happened in real life, I just don’t get how! You would think someone would keep an eye on the jackass throwing a gigantic toddler tantrum because HE FORGOT HIS OWN GEAR. Oh well.

This movie is at best wilfully negligent homicide and at worst an ill conceived tourist board advert for Australia. But hey at least it inspired the TV show ‘Blue planet’.

VERDICT: ‘WE’RE GOING TO NEED A BIGGER BOAT’