Jurassic Park 4: Where In The World Is Dr. Ian Malcolm aka Revenge of the Plot-asaurus Rex.

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Unless you have been extinct for the last 65 million years then you will know Jurassic World is now out in cinemas. So here is the trailer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvR0UaEKjp0

Overall this is a great, big, fun summer movie that is just the right blend of exciting, insanity and over the top action. This isn’t to say the movie is without fault  but it allows you to suspend your disbelief, stop being so cynical and lose yourself in the film.

Jurassic_World

20 years after the first park had a few teething difficulties (I couldn’t help myself) we have Jurassic World. Re-branded to be bigger, better and now fitted with T-Rex proof toilets… because no one wants to be caught with their pants down when a peckish dinosaur accidentally opens your cubicle door. The park has been open for 10 years and despite a petting zoo, hamster balls and canoeing with dinosaurs our obnoxious, bratty and spoilt cell phone generation says dinosaurs aren’t cool enough. I hate our generation! The solution? to this is to create a GM dinosaur that has a bit more pizazz about it. This effort is spearheaded by park manager, Claire (Bryce Dallas-Howard), and financial backer Mr. Masrani (Irrfan Khan). Meanwhile, Chris Pratt features as Dr. Ian Malcolm Owen, a velociraptor trainer/whisperer, who is basically a better looking, more tanned and funnier Dr Malcolm, who thinks this is a bad idea.

This inevitably goes wrong… because otherwise this movie would just be like building a successful zoo in Zoo Tycoon: Dinosaur Digs (Yes I had a lonely childhood).

scrshot2

Thats right Lions sharing a cage with a herd of Parasaurolophus

However… this film is not perfect. Here are some of things you have to gloss over:

1) Claire has a lot of action scenes in this film. There is no inherent problem with this…except she does all of it in not so insignificant HIGH HEELS.

Running away from Pterosaurs.. High heels. Running away from T-Rex… heels. Running through the jungle… heels. Driving an ambulance at high speeds… heels. Running on a blood coated floor… heels. Jumping down a waterfall and swimming to safety… heels. You get the point.

All Im saying is her feet must have lost all sensation and feeling years ago to pull this off.

2) Plot-asaurus Rex .

This dinosaur was made through genetic splicing and hand picking modern animal traits  to fill in the gaps to perfect its killing capabilities. Fine… im going to take the leap with you and suspend my disbelief as this is basically how they made all the dinosaurs.

Except this dinosaur is basically a supervillain… I mean I’d have just called the Avengers to deal with this. Here is a list of the Indominus Rex’s superpowers:

  • Camouflage like a chameleon
  • Can control its own Thermal Signature
  • Can sense the thermal signatures of other creatures
  • Can logic the fuck out of every situation
  • Doesn’t have those pointless, tiny T-Rex arms
  • Can talk to other dinosaurs and make them into her minions
  • Sibling eating
  • Can creep up silently despite being 60ft long
  • Awareness of surgical procedures
  • Bullet Proof Skin
  • Super speed running

However, she has the one weakness all super-villains share…procrastination. You have your enemy right where you want them and you can obliterate them any second. This is clearly the time for pea cocking so something can save them. Just once I want to see the villain get on with it and kill some fools.

3) Human’s immediately want to weaponize anything

Okay this is pretty realistic but what sort of psychotic, warmongering dip-shit thinks that the best use of a velociraptor is strapping a camera to its head and sending it on Black Ops missions. I mean I’ve never met a dinosaur who isn’t completely fluent in English, follows chain of command and understands the social and political consequences of sneaking into countries and assassinating people you don’t like.

Well I’ve never met a dinosaur but you get my point.

Anyway. This was a thoroughly enjoyable film, the entire cast gave great performances. The plot was ludicrous but so whole-heartedly committed to being ludicrous that you just go with it plus there are some great throw backs to the original. The film is CGI heavy but it is top-draw SFX work and there are some nice close up scenes using the prosthetic models.

#TBT

#TBT   ”Flocking this way”

The original Jurassic Park was a perfect movie. This leaves two main problems for any sequels –

1) We’ve already scene dinosaurs on film so now the originality of the scare/wow/fear factor isn’t there

2) It is still just going to be a movie about being chased by dinosaurs. A dinosaur theme park that goes wrong is a pretty narrow set of restrictions there is very little you could do to divert from the formula. This isnt Star Wars or Marvel where you can just chuck in new aliens/planets/baddies/superheroes and make it all shiny, brand new each time.

Given these 2 problems Jurassic World surpassed my expectations they gave a refreshing take on an old idea (by having the functioning park) and by developing the old story by taking the genetic engineering further in a way that modern society would demand. And they made the movie exciting, visually brilliant and very funny to boot.

VERDICT: ”WELCOME TO JURASSIC PARK” ”LIFE WILL FIND A WAY”  ”CLEVER GIRL”  SCREW IT JUST GO SEE THE FILM

PS. THE HAMMOND STATUE IS GREAT

PPS. SEEING A PTERODACTYL TRY AND FAIL TO PICK UP A BABY DINOSAUR IS HILARIOUS

PPPS. I TEARED UP TWICE AT THE SITE OF DINOSAURS COUPLED WITH THE MUSIC

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13 comments

  1. apintofbainne · June 15, 2015

    “#TBT Flocking this way” = Genius!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. S. T. Fontane · June 16, 2015

    Bravo. Basically a better version of my effort!

    Like

  3. S. T. Fontane · June 16, 2015

    Bravo! Basically a better version of my effort!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Mattamatix · June 17, 2015

    I like your point about the supervillain but you missed one super power: endless endurance!

    That thing takes down walls and cars and squads of people and a glass ball and scores of huge diplodocus all whilst roaming tens of kilometers and still has energy to take on everything else in the end scene!

    Like

  5. Donna · June 20, 2015

    Love it! You didn’t disappoint. I love that Zoo Tycoon game! And it did bother me that she was in heels the whole movie. Seriously, she should have been in khaki’s and boots (like Steve Irwin). I agree that you do have to just sit back and enjoy the movie for what it is. My family thoroughly enjoyed it and can’t wait to buy it.

    Like

  6. mjennings · July 7, 2015

    Haha! Yes! This! I felt a little more underwhelmed than you, however…

    https://thisonpurpose.wordpress.com/2015/06/21/a-jurassic-world-of-trope-spoilers/

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Erica Kriner · July 13, 2015

    Hey – sorry I’m just now getting around to reading this (your comment on my review on Culturalettes.com led me here). Your review was really witty and entertaining – definitely something I want to learn from in my own reviews!

    I do agree that the archetypal characters do fit in with a theme of being as over-the-top as possible, but of course, the originals had the same feel while having really wonderful characters that I really instantly connected with. (Dr. Malcolm, of course, but also Dr. Grant and Dr. Sattler aka BAE.)

    But we both sort of came to the same conclusion – it’s a fun movie for anyone who is new to the series or was looking or the nostalgia factor. 🙂

    Great review!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Slatethesilverscreen · July 13, 2015

      Thanks so much for the comment! The original characters were incredible and I still think it is near as perfect an action movie as you can get. World does what it says on the tin, it is just fun.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. ultmcsa · August 10, 2015

    Claire running in high heels was actually the scariest part of the movie for me. I watch and cringe in terror while my ankles feared for hers. Also I may or may not have teared up when the theme started…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Slatethesilverscreen · August 10, 2015

      Haha they were nice shoes too! If she can run through the jungle in those, she definitely does not skip leg day!

      I think if you dont tear up at that then you have a problem!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Pingback: My 10 favourite films of the year: A failed attempt at objectivity | slatethesilver screen

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